I had a choice

It was over 36 years ago now when my then husband and I had a disagreement, he asked me to leave…so I packed up our girls ages 4 and 18 months and left.

I was devasted, scared, ashamed, embarrassed, angry and relived all at once. The emotions ran over me like a freight train.

Since that time many twists and turns have happened. The ups and downs of life, the accomplishment and the setbacks. But the one thing I am sure of is, I made the right choice.

Recently at the wedding of my youngest daughter I had obligatory gathering which included my ex-husband. Cordial is the word that comes to mind. Oh, how far I have come. I am proud of the woman, mother and grandmother that I have become.

That young woman who married a man over 40 years ago blossomed through a choice she made. It wasn’t always easy and surely wasn’t always fun, but the road taken proved to be the best path for me. I am forever grateful. Divorce was not in vogue when this all happened. I had no college degree (at that time), had not yet figured out how I would support myself or my girls or even who I might become. But for me anything was better than the verbal and emotional abuse I sustained. Although, there were no bruises or my body, no physical signs of pain, the abuse ran deep and was devastating.

But there was something inside me that said, “life didn’t have to be this way.” That I had a choice and although the outcome was unknown, the risk was worth it. It turned out that the cost was of epic proportion, not in dollars but in heart break and yet the choice; was still the right one.
I had to learn to forgive myself for not having the where with all or stamina to stay and take the abuse for the sake of the family. As the outcome was life altering.

It took years, no, decades to forgive myself.

Today, at the wedding of my youngest daughter, I had the opportunity to revisit those feelings. I am proud and worthy of the life I have built.
The choice was mine, just as it is yours and every other day of your life. And although the choices you have maybe different from mine those 40 years ago, the fact is, you still have a choice. No matter how big or small.

What are you intending for your life, even if only for today? Are you ready to commit to you and your dreams? What are the steps, the tiny steps you can take to move you forward? The choice is yours.

Cheers to a fabulous you!
Merry

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